Top 7 Things Middle Schoolers Should NEVER Do, and the 1 Thing They Did Right
by Kaela VanDoren
5. Go Anywhere in Public
What is the point of parents taking middle schoolers anywhere? They're just gonna be on their phones, and that's an annoying thing to see. If you're at a basketball game, watch the basketball game! If you're outside, eat some dirt! Memorize every word to Bee Movie! Have a childhood!
1. Breathe
Honestly, middle schoolers have no right to be breathing the same air as everyone else. Let alone air at all. What's the point of middle schoolers? We're just trying to train them to become high schoolers and it isn't working. These kids haven't had the same experiences! They don't know the immaculate joy of seeing a Shrek movie in theaters! They don't know the thrill of staying up late playing Super Mario on their DS's.
2. Use Axe Body Spray for Cleansing Purposes
DO YOU USE IT AS TOOTHPASTE, TOO?? I hope that someday middle schoolers will learn that dousing themselves in Axe and showering are two completely different things. It's nauseating! Who told them that? Who keeps buying them that stuff? STOP. NO MORE.
3. Do A Fortnite Dance
Every time I see a child do one of those stupid dances, I want to drop kick them on the spot. I once saw a child do a dance from a Snoop Dogg video and claim it as a Fortnite dance instead. When I say I almost committed a felony... educate these rodents.
4. Play Their Music Out Loud
I don't know when kids stopped only listening to alternative songs from the early 2000's in middle school, but it needs to start up again. Nowadays, middle schoolers just listen to made up rap songs from a YouTuber they watch or terrible parodies of popular songs that are changed to relate to Fortnite or Minecraft.
6. Follow the Trends
You're literally like 11. I don't know why you all try to do Tik Tok dances and put the slits in your eyebrows... have some normal middle school experiences and leave the sharp edges 'til high school. What ever happened to normal children??
Disclaimer: This piece is entirely satirical and intended to be a lampoon. I have a sixth grade brother. I have experienced the need for their participation first hand. In short, I can say these things because I suffer.
7. Exist
All children should just like disappear or something when they hit 6th grade, and not come back until high school. There's no use for them. Unless you're just craving to have someone eat all your food and waste all your electricity. If you think we'd eventually miss them, you're wrong. You wouldn't have missed us and we were ANGELS.
And finally... the one thing these hooligans did right: